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Finding rare baby names more difficult but not impossible
Qdoba to launch vegan option in Las Vegas. I could hear this noise, not realising that it was me. Emotions of fear and horror, but I am also very calm. On some form of autopilot, I made my way next door — we had no phone. My neighbour opened his door after a lot of knocking. I asked could I use his phone and told him why. He was shaken, but brought me in. Inviting me to sit, he offered several types of illegal drugs and whiskey from his coffee table array.
I refused all and made my call. I knew a doctor had to confirm death so I called my GP. He came quickly; from a busy London surgery that did not do house calls. I had moved and talked and walked. I had told two people. I finally had a pee. He was a drunk and a drug addict — not a neighbour we would go to for a cup of sugar. He had tried to help me, but now he was beginning to unravel.
So I minded him. Kettle on. Two very young and nervous bobbies arrived. If I had not known the protocol, their arrival would have freaked me out. Were they checking up on me to see if I had done something terrible?
I know now that of course they were because terrible things do happen and sometimes people do hurt babies. It was only at this point that I went back into my bedroom and saw Stephany again. I went to touch her, to pick her up. They told me not to. For years I wished that I had wrapped her in a blanket and held her until I had to let her go. The young policemen asked was I alone? Did I want to call someone?
Bless the bobby, he sat at a drug-laden table and never said a word about the amount of product on the table and the weighing scales. The phone call was tough.
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I asked to speak to rock-solid-in-a-crisis Suzanne, but the receptionist misheard and put me through to Ann. She was not a girl you related news like this to over the phone. This was to soften the blow, but, somehow, Ann knew immediately.
Back to my home with just the police. Tea and then the GP arrived with another man. This man explains he is a coroner who is involved in cot death research. Would I mind if he attended? Of course not. I was comforted that she was going to be looked after properly. He was utterly professional and very compassionate.
The GP and the young policemen were not in the same league at all. Lots of questions: sleep position, heating on or off, smoker or nonsmoker, time of putting to sleep, time of discovery, had I moved her, had she been ill, feeding method and pattern, other people in the flat, type of delivery Ann and Suzanne. Suzanne straight to me to embrace, but Ann headed for my bedroom. We broke a barely started hug and instinctively lunged for her and pulled her back.
We both knew what would happen if Ann saw Stephany, but I also had the extreme disadvantage of knowing just how horrific my poor dead baby looked. The thought flashed in — I will hear her screaming nightmares for many nights and I do not want that. For her, for me. We physically struggle with Ann.
As they grow older …
Shouting, distress, but not mine. Ann is not left alone. The coroner and GP are finished and tell me it is time to take Stephany away. Yes, I know there has to be a postmortem. But does she have to go so soon? I do not hold her before she goes. I want to but I am very conscious of managing the Ann situation. Better to let Stephany go and mind Ann. Would they have let me hold her? I pull back the blanket she is wrapped in as the coroner holds her. I look and ask them to mind her. Huge crowd that night.
Not much for me. Very uncomfortable breasts. My brother has made other calls and finds out what needs to be done. There was a long queue of other new mums with their small babies, including several I had met during my pregnancy.
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Where is baby? What have you called her? Blank, completely unable to respond.
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I do not want to frighten any of these women or spoil this significant moment for them. Mark turns and opens some doors and tells us to go into one that is empty. Retreat, relief. Saves me from unravelling. Far from it.
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And that security and confidence will result in less crying and more independence in the long run. Worried that your baby may be using her whimpers and tears to manipulate you? This notion will not spoil a newborn but will instead help her develop a healthy bond with her parents. And guess what? It's a little different with older babies. Once your baby gets to be about six months old, however, her wants will get more sophisticated and they may not be the same thing as her needs. For instance, an older baby may want to pull your hair or earring or she may want that TV remote with all the interesting buttons.
The educational health content on What To Expect is reviewed by our team of experts to be up-to-date and in line with the latest evidence-based medical information and accepted health guidelines, including the medically reviewed What to Expect books by Heidi Murkoff. This site complies with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health information.